Agenda

An old Tom Waits song comes to mind- '...everything's broken and no-one speaks English...'

It has been gloomy and raining in Maningrida for two days straight - I haven't seen the sun since Melbourne Airport... it's a bit of a shock to my system... getting very quickly depressed. The sands are shifting here - people moving, leaving and making power plays. As ever, there's no housing and it looks like I'll be the one to suffer in any serious shift of the status quo. Still that's all at least a month away...

I managed to shed my city attitudes again like taking off an itchy woolen jumper. I went straight back into my office and into the arms of my best friend - 6 year old Martha. We spent the day catching up and spelling the names of things. When we got to butterfly she couldn't remember what a 'B' looked like. I showed her if you draw two 'B' - one upside-down - right next to each other (then add a couple of feelers) they make a beautiful butterfly. B B. She wont forget again...

Later in the day I went on a trip to an outstation - 5 houses, about an hour out of town. Another little girl adopted me as her own personal booster seat for the ride. We played and pointed and bit each others hands off. The whole landscape has changed. Everything is green, and grass covers every inch of the offroad. The track is a minefield of puddles that explode over the bonnet when you hit them. Everything is alive and exciting. When we arrived at the outsation, the little girl's uncle suggested I come back and stay for a few days - spend some time with the family. There are few things more touching than people who are interested in people.

It is sad that such a wonderful and welcoming place has become a battleground for the wills of white people. Everyone has an agenda. They are well intentioned for the best part. Still, a seedy undercurrent forms as people have to resort to backroom conversations and allegiances to support their intentions.

I feel weird and young – aimless and unwanted here - like I came to a poker game without any chips. I’m not part of anyone’s agenda. My position here is a useful one – not a powerful one. My work is a good tool for communication of ideas. It wont create infrastructure or organize the people. And at the moment, the latter is more important.

I’m trying to make a film for the ABC and I can’t help wanting it to express exactly this. But I can’t – can I? How am I going to convince anyone to be in a film after that? They’d think my own agenda is just to expose everyone’s agenda… which it isn’t… that said, I don’t want to fall into the dizzy trap of bullshitting everyone on the outside world that everything is just swell and peachy.

Give me a day or so… I’ll spark up. There’s plenty of work on. That’s a good thing. It’ll keep me busy. It is good to be back – don’t misread me. It’s just also easy to remember why one might be happy to leave…